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Using tense for distance and politeness
C2 C2 grammar · lesson 3 of 12
English speakers often use past and continuous forms that do not refer to past time at all. They create social distance, which makes requests, offers and opinions sound softer and more polite.
Distance in time = distance in attitude
You already know that past forms can show unreality (If I had more time…). They can also show tentativeness. Moving a verb «back» in time makes a request less direct, so the listener feels free to say no. Adding a continuous form softens it even more.
| Direct | Softer | Very tentative |
|---|---|---|
| I want to ask you something. | I wanted to ask you something. | I was wanting to ask you something. |
| Do you need anything? | Did you need anything? | Were you needing anything? |
| I hope you can help. | I hoped you could help. | I was hoping you might help. |
| I wonder if… | I wondered if… | I was wondering if… |
All the sentences in the table refer to now. The speaker is simply choosing a more polite distance.
Typical uses
I was wondering whether you could look over my report.
We were hoping to discuss the budget with you this afternoon.
Did you want a receipt with that?
I thought we might start with a short introduction.
How many nights were you planning to stay?
I’m afraid I’m not really seeing the connection here.
It‘d be great if you could send it by Friday.
I‘d suggest that we leave the decision until next week.
Modals and would
Past modals – could, might, would – are the other half of the system. Would in particular softens opinions: I would say…, I would imagine…, I wouldn’t have thought so. Combining devices (I was wondering if you might possibly…) is common in formal requests, but too many layers can sound sarcastic or anxious, so match the level of softness to the situation.
When not to distance
With close friends or in urgent situations, very tentative forms can sound cold or strange. I was wondering if you might pass the salt is comic at a family dinner.
✗ I was wondering could you lend me your notes?
✓ I was wondering if you could lend me your notes.
✗ I was hoping you can join us.
✓ I was hoping you could join us.
✗ Did you want to order now? – Yes, I wanted.
✓ Did you want to order now? – Yes, please. / Yes, I’d like the soup.
Mastering this «polite past» is one of the clearest signs of a natural, socially aware C2 speaker.